It's Squat-o-ween Time Again.

squat·ter: noun : a person who occupies real property without a claim of right or title.
There ya go, brain trust. You wanted to know how I defined "squatter"..... Same as Merriam-Webster.

It's Halloween time again and on City of Heroes that means encounters with the delightful little hand-me-downs from Everquest who think they "own" something, in-game, just because they say they do. Look, fucktards (and I hate using that kind of immature pronoun, but you deserve it) I pay my fifteen beans a month, just like you do, so that door you've been camped out in front of ...chasing off all other interested parties... is as much mine as yours. So if, in this joyous holiday season that just brings out the very best in you little darlings, I want to "knock" on any given door, collect my "treat" (or trick, as the case may be) and move on, by God I'm going to.

This all stems from my last visit to the highways and byways of Paragon City being ruined by a gaggle of mouthy halfwits. You all know how it works... Some doors in the city trigger prizes or monsters when you click on em. I tend to treat this seasonal offering from Cryptic in the spirit it's intended. I hop hither and yon around the city clicking on every door I can find ...usually only once each... hoping (in my case) to score the necessary goodies to trade up for the extra costume slot. God knows why I want em ...once made, I'm usually pretty set in my costumes designs... but I do want em. Other people like to think of look at this as an opportunity to power-level, standing in groups in front of a door, each taking a turn activating it as they all kill whatever comes out. Lather, rinse, repeat. These are the fateful, star-crossed pathes that brought me verbally face to face with some Gomer named Brownwynde and his posse. I stood a moment near the door, waited until there was a brief lull in their orchestrated muggings, and then clicked on the door, figuring I'd collect my treat, or deal with my trick, and move along. (I got monsters, btw.) But no, this guy decides to open up with a barrage of of profanity-laced tirades and accusations about how this was "their" door and I should "go find my own" (among other things). They'd been working it for an hour and it was theirs and I was kill-stealing from them.

Now, I know I could have just blown them off and gone on my way. I know I could have. There's nothing they can do to me in-game just as there's nothing I can do to drive a meat-hook of common sense into their digitally-neanderthalic skulls. But, no.... Something always prevents me from letting people like this just get away with it unscathed. So out comes my dual-edged blade of patience and logic. (S'cuse me while I whip this out!) I calmly and politely explain to them my reasoning hoping, like hoping to win the Powerball, that they'll understand. See, I've learned in my many years of experience, that the key to success in these situations is to be calm and polite. It will either: A) Help your tone be more condusive to proving your case, or B) piss them the hell off that you're not willing to get as enraged as they are. In this case, after 20 minutes of "discussion" (I'll use that term loosely), they were simply not to be reasoned with. They started out being verbally abusive, thinking they'd just chase me away. When they realized this wasn't going to work, they actually switched tone mid-tirade to "look friend... we just got off on the wrong foot." Look, Poindexter... you don't follow up a verbal assault with civility. That ship has sailed. Ultimately, he was having none of my logic. In his eyes I had raped his wife and taken food from the mouths of his children, and he wasn't going to be convinced otherwise, which I told him I recognized. I wasn't going to waste any more of my breath on him. I finally told him I thought he was a squatter (to which he brilliantly responded "how do you define 'squatter'?") and told him maybe he should get a nice "NO TRESPASSING" sign for his door.

You know, in real life when one goes trick-or-treating, you don't get to stand guard in front of one house and chase off every other kid who wants some candy while you repeatedly ring the doorbell. Why the hell do you think you should get to in an online trick-or-treat simulation? This kind of thing seriously chaps my ass. Yes, probably more than it should, but it does. I'd like to see Cryptic give some serious thought to how they can curtail this kind of behavior. Perhaps allowing only one "knock" per door per character... Maybe offset by bigger "treats" and/or more doors being active. Alternately, make me a GM and give me the power to stake these people's asses out in the middle of the Perez Park swamp.

How About a Costume Party?

With Halloween coming up and Halloween festivities in Paragon City already underway, I thought it was time for a costume party in Pocket D..... a real costume party. Now when I suggest this, I know you folks at Cryptic are going to freak out and say "Heavens, no! That breaks the rules! Civilization as we know it would come crashing down!" Well hear me out. We're already capable of having "costume" parties in "D" where we change our costumes and prance around socializing. But this exercise doesn't really reflect the spirit of costumes in the real world. No identities are hidden... We still recognize each other by reticle names which remain constant in the game (and for obvious reasons). Well, there's my suggestion: Optional name changes while at the costume party in Pocket D. Think about it... The reasons we mandate different names in game really don't apply (or more precisely, don't have to apply) at such a function in "D". There's no combat in "D". It's a strictly social environment. The biggest stumbling block I can think of is that /tells would be limited. You can't just shoot off a message to one of the dozen "Statesman"s in the room and expect it to reach your friend, Charlie, who's dressed as Statesman. Sending /tells to people you know would still rely on using their actual hero name, which would reach them normally and wouldn't have to give away their location in the zone. Beyond that, private conversations are initiated the old fashioned way... By walking up to someone, right-clicking on their toon, and initiating a chat that way.

This kind of brings me to my second suggestion, which will also rub some Cryptic folks the wrong way: Have Serge set up a costume kiosk in Pocket D for the occasion. At this kiosk (and only at this kiosk) characters will have access to costume parts only used by the game's hallmark characters. (C'mon guys, I know you've got those costume parts coded in, they're just not accessible to the public... again, for obvious reasons). But this is a party, and there's absolutely no reason why a dozen Statesman's couldn't be running around in here. Costumes would revert to the character's last used slot if they leave the club.

Imagine being able to really dress up as Statesman or Lord Recluse or Miss Liberty. It'd be great fun.

Veteran Rewards: Dangerously Timely Commentary

I'm not here to answer any questions about the sexy new Vetaran Rewards program. Go read that nonsense here. I'm just fairly psyched (in a hot-and-cold sort of way) about the new goodie-bits and felt I should extend my shiny new 2 pennies worth to the hard-workin' folks at Cryptic. (And, as we all know, they read my site religiously for sure-fire suggestions.) Here's the goods, followed by my scentilating pearls of wisdom.
3 Month Milestone: Trustworthy
• Trustworthy badge
• Costume Piece: Trenchcoats
• Costume Change Token given to all characters on account

OK, right up front, let me say the badges for all these things are a good idea. They seem to resemble cyber-crack for a lot of folks who make special "day trips" through the city just to gather them up. Yeah, you're supposed to get em just for paying the bills for as long as you have, but should you have to work for them? ...do a little mission or something first? I dunno.

Trenchcoats. Aaaah, say it with me... "T R E N C H C O A T S!" I spoke, they listened. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Fulfilling, and a nice opener to the list. OK, you've got my attention.

6 Month Milestone: Faithful
• Faithful badge
• Costume Piece: Greek Alphabet Chest Emblems
• Costume Change Token given to all characters on account

And now!..... "Greek Alphabet Chest Emblems"!! [cue screeching, wipe-out noise] After trenchcoats, that was kind of a shock.... like stepping from the warm warm sun into the ice cold pool. I almost had shrinkage. After giving it some thought though, I understand. The list of goodies should start small and grow. The first reward needed to get everyone's attention though, so was abnormally large for this end of the scale. If not for that decision, the Greeks here would probably be reward #1. Still..... weeeaaak.

9 Month Milestone: Dependable
• Dependable badge
• Costume Piece: Belly Shirt for Females, Scottish Kilts for Males
• Respec given to all characters on account
• Costume Change Token given to all characters on account

Daaamn. Chicks got screwed. Belly shirts? [yawn] Kilts for the guys? Cool for those who dig 'em, and fairly easy to accomplish graphically. Well done. And a handy respec... They're like car insurance.... you seldom need 'em, but you're happy to have 'em when the need arises.

12 Month Milestone: Loyal
• Loyal badge
• Temporary Power: CHOICE: Permanent Ghost Slaying Axe or Permanent Sands of Mu
• Pre-Order Sprints: Rush, Dash, Quick, Surge
• Base Item: Wall Mounted Weapon Displays

Bonus powers! Now we're talking! At one year, you get choices. I like that. I can guess what the axe does. I have no clue what the hell "Sands of Mu" is or what it does. Same with these cool-looking "Sprint" things. I'm going to have to dig to find that out. Woulda been nice if it'd been on the FAQ page (being as "what do these things do?" is probably going to be a frequently asked question).

Weapons displays for bases? Meh. I try to think what rationale conjured these up, but nothing kind comes to mind. Moving on....

15 Month Milestone: Zealous
• Zealous badge
• Costume Piece: Angelic Wings, Demon Wings
• Costume Change Token given to all characters on account

Now this is a meaty reward. But, boy howdy, are whiners gonna rally 'round this one. "You mean I gotta play for over a year before I can have wings?? That sucks!" Sorry, junior. That's why they call it "Veteran Rewards." You get rewarded for being a veteran. Clever, huh? I think it would be funny as hell to monitor the boards over the next month and count the whines. But I'm not nearly that bored. As for the wings themselves, I'm pretty impressed. My only comments would be that I'm a little concerned about the size of em (they seem a touch small) and the fact that you only get to choose between bird or bat wings. I don't think butterfly, fly, dragonfly, or even mechanical wings (maybe even a jet pack?) would go unappreciated. I suppose it'd take additional animation though.

18 Month Milestone: Unwavering
• Unwavering badge
• Costume Piece: Samurai Armor
• Costume Change Token given to all characters on account

Hey, snazzy. I'm thinking, not nearly as groovy as wings though, so they really belong below them on the scale.

21 Month Milestone: Steadfast
• Steadfast badge
• Costume Piece: Shoulder Cape
• Respec given to all characters on account
• Costume Change Token given to all characters on account

Shoulder capes for 21 months? Show hands, who thinks this is that cool? Yeah, I thought so too. Belongs somewhere below the Samurai armor. How about truly "full length" capes? ...something that touches the ground? Maybe the combination would earn this slot.

24 Month Milestone: Devoted
• Devoted badge
• Prestige Power: Emergency Base Teleporter (long recharge item that teleports you to your Base)
• Base Item: Posters of the City of Heroes Comic Covers
• Veteran's Titles for Level 15 characters

This would be worth the "wait" if it either A: was fast but intruptable, or B: was slow but uninteruptable. But it's both slow and interuptable? So it's barely convenient, and hardly life-saving. Pass.

On the whole, I like the reward system, especially in concept if not always in practice. But it strikes me as fairly obvious that someone decided "we wanna give em coats at 3 months and wings at about a year. Now we just have to fill in the in-between slots." I wish a little more effort had been put into some of the choices.

Grade?: B+

Now There's Something You Don't See Every Day...

I'm hanging out in Atlas Park the other night, watching the freaks, and up rolls a level 6 Ninja Mastermind and his ninja henchmen. Apparently he ran into a bug during villain creation and popped out in Atlas Park. He said he's already filed a bug report. Man, I wouldn't.... Being the only Ninja master running around Paragon City would kick wild ass! And, buddy, that shit gets folded right into the character background. He'd be the only guy who could legitimately say "I used to be a supervillain but went straight."

Here's to you, master of ninjas!